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If you're not legal, obey your parents or just date your “school books”. But if you're financially independent and move out, they might feel pressure to “ tolerate” your mate, just so you'll visit.

If they love you and the date isn't “of bad character” ie, a sponger, criminal or abusive ( Blacks have the same vices as whites do), they will want to see you.

While it’s okay for conversations about white supremacy to make you uncomfortable (hey, we should be uncomfortable with that shit), being generally aware of how race plays out and feeling fairly well versed in Being honest about the ways in which race is complex – both inside and outside of your relationship – shows a willingness to engage with a part of your partner’s identity and experience in a way that really holds them.

As a woman, I know that sometimes talking about gender with a male partner – even if he’s well versed in all things feminist – can feel exhausting.

If you're parents are narcissist or unloving they might still disown you.

As the locksmith worked in the open doorway, the trilling chords of the calliope from a steamboat clung to the cold river air and crossed the threshold, drifting inside, chilling the room.

Maybe it isn’t even appropriate for your partner to talk to their family at all about their dating life.

Or maybe your partner has to go through almost a “coming out” process around dating someone white or outside of their culture.

– where affinity groups can be together without the presence of the oppressor – exist: so that tough conversations can be had with fewer guards up, so that you can communicate thousands of ideas in a single collective sigh, so that you can cry together with those who don’t just sympathize, but empathize.

And while it’s important to be willing to talk to your partner about race and to feel comfortable bringing it up, it’s just as important to be willing to step back and recognize when your whiteness is intrusive. I’ve been the “But I love you, and you love me, and why can’t you share this with me? Because it’s really difficult to watch your partner hurt and not be let in. Maybe it isn’t appropriate for your partner to take you home to meet their parents.

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